Yesterday I bought a buttered roll at the corner store.
I support my local corner store because it's cool being able to walk there in my flannel PJ's & Crocs to get breakfast.
These simple things make me happy.
However, there is a dark side of convenience.
Yesterday it came in the form of 'skimping on the butter'.
I ordered a buttered roll as one would normally do by saying "I'll take a buttered roll, k? Thx!"
I did not bother watching him prepare the roll as 1/2 of a buttered roll is already 'roll' and simply putting butter on it completes it.
In theory.
As you can see from the diagram above, this is what I received.
In addition, the roll was the end of the day roll, that is crusty and slightly stale.
The butter was cold, and was a tore a hole in the middle.
Question: what percentage of butter makes a plain roll a buttered roll?
I'm inclined to say at minimum, it has to be 50%, but 75% should be the new national minimum.
In a valiant attempt (while driving) to disperse the butter, I executed the sacred Mr. Miyagi technique.
This is well known by many but rarely applied. It involves taking the bottom part of the roll and the top and slapping them together and rubbing to spread the butter.
WARNING!!!
This can (and did) go dangerously wrong if the roll is stale and the butter is cold. The bread can rip, causing butter to go through the roll on to your hands which may be needed to grab the steering wheel of SUV drifting out of lane. However, with butter now on hands, the steering wheel may become slippery and you can kill a family of deer super easy while trying to multi-task.
Conclusion: The convenience offered by my corner-store's proximity to my house and their lax dress-code may not be worth killing deer. Not to mention a $500 deductible for the would be damage, sleepless nights hiding from deer ghosts, and finally the fact that a plain buttered roll is .75 cents and a buttered roll is $1.00 (and this was neither). I know times are tough economically, but surely with the over production of GMO corn (that feeds the chickens, on the farm with the cows, that make the milk to churn the butter...) there should be no need for such scarcity on my breakfast roll.
I blame years of GOP mismanagement and the sheer laziness of the deli attendant.
(Disclaimer: No deer were hurt but could have been and always use your headset when on the phone...stop drop & roll also.).
*that's what she said.
