Last night I was once again at self proclaimed "Best BBQ in NYC" restaurant; 'Dallas BBQ' in The Bronx. You cannot get more full and have a Texas Size frozen drink with a shot for under $20. Blue Bull Frozen Margarita with a shot of Tequila... AWESOME. Hennessey Wings get the seal of approval; although I have never had chicken wings that takes up to 6-8 bites to finish. These may be wings, but like from a Terradactyl or Ostrich. Seriously, they are not normal, bordering freaky. But in times like these, who doesn't want more suspect, supposed-to-be-extinct white meat drenched in cognac BBQ sauce?
Yesterday I bought a buttered roll at the corner store. I support my local corner store because it's cool being able to walk there in my flannel PJ's & Crocs to get breakfast. These simple things make me happy. However, there is a dark side of convenience. Yesterday it came in the form of 'skimping on the butter'.
I ordered a buttered roll as one would normally do by saying "I'll take a buttered roll, k? Thx!" I did not bother watching him prepare the roll as 1/2 of a buttered roll is already 'roll' and simply putting butter on it completes it. In theory.
As you can see from the diagram above, this is what I received. In addition, the roll was the end of the day roll, that is crusty and slightly stale. The butter was cold, and was a tore a hole in the middle.
Question: what percentage of butter makes a plain roll a buttered roll?
I'm inclined to say at minimum, it has to be 50%, but 75% should be the new national minimum.
In a valiant attempt (while driving) to disperse the butter, I executed the sacred Mr. Miyagi technique. This is well known by many but rarely applied. It involves taking the bottom part of the roll and the top and slapping them together and rubbing to spread the butter.
WARNING!!! This can (and did) go dangerously wrong if the roll is stale and the butter is cold. The bread can rip, causing butter to go through the roll on to your hands which may be needed to grab the steering wheel of SUV drifting out of lane. However, with butter now on hands, the steering wheel may become slippery and you can kill a family of deer super easy while trying to multi-task.
Conclusion: The convenience offered by my corner-store's proximity to my house and their lax dress-code may not be worth killing deer. Not to mention a $500 deductible for the would be damage, sleepless nights hiding from deer ghosts, and finally the fact that a plain buttered roll is .75 cents and a buttered roll is $1.00 (and this was neither). I know times are tough economically, but surely with the over production of GMO corn (that feeds the chickens, on the farm with the cows, that make the milk to churn the butter...) there should be no need for such scarcity on my breakfast roll.
I blame years of GOP mismanagement and the sheer laziness of the deli attendant.
(Disclaimer: No deer were hurt but could have been and always use your headset when on the phone...stop drop & roll also.).
Stormy Day, Snow showers predicted for tonight...Stuck at work...Snack time
Safe to say, the Regular flavor does not have a chance at winning.
*Edit:As it turned out, the Regular flavor served to mix in with the Apples & Cinnamon + 1 sugar packet. Yet another trip to the vending machine has been averted.
This article originally appeared in Complex's October 2008 issue.
When Jeezy decided to call his superb third solo album The Recession, America’s financial crisis was just starting to bubble up from the housing market. But as we near the election, the state of the economy has taken center stage. Who better to tell us how to survive the recession than the thug motivator who actually predicted the collapse? Read on below for the Snowman’s six financial tips to get you through tough times…
TIP #1: TRIM THE FAT. “During a recession, you cut back on things. It isn’t the time to buy a new crib or a new car. It’s mostly about maintaining. Girlfriends have to understand that, too—it would be in her best interest if I weren’t spending all the money. A drought is a drought, baby.”
TIP #2: MAKE SMART INVESTMENTS. “I like to invest in things where I can be hands-on. I’ve always invested in real estate, but now’s the time. I’ve been buying up a lot of shit because the market’s down. It makes sense to buy now because a lot of shit’s in foreclosure—but at the same time, you have to wait until it turns back around to sell the shit.”
TIP #3: KEEP YOUR EAR TO THE STREET. “The streets dictate everything, even the economy. If the streets were eating right now, nobody would care if gas was five dollars. Who give a fuck, if I can pay for it? It’s when you don’t have it to pay that you sit there debating, Do I fill up my car, or do I just get a half a tank to make sure I can eat for the rest of the week?”
TIP #4: DIVERSIFY YOUR HUSTLE. “I try to get cash without covering the lines of who I am. If you look at anybody that’s really just had it like that, they always had some other shit going on. You take Jay-Z, Puff—that’s their way of life. They go out and create a new opportunities and then bring it back to music.”
TIP #5: USE PAPER, NOT PLASTIC. “I’m better with cash than I will ever be with a credit card. If you got $5,000 in your pocket and you know it’s going to cost you $1,000 to get through your week, you are going to count that $5,000 as if it was a bank. If you blow the whole $5,000 and you know it takes you $1,000 to live per week, then you ain’t recession-proof—you’re about to be fucked up.”
TIP #6: SWIM WITH THE LOAN SHARKS. “When money’s tight like now, people don’t want to pay their debts, so you definitely have to kind of trick them. You have to make them feel good about the situation, like everything’s all right. Find where they be at, and then roll up on them.”
The funds are low this week. Translation: I'm brown bagging it all week long. This is a good thing because daily breakfast & lunch can average $12 easily from the in-bulding cafeteria at work which has never heard of Adobo or any other seasoning. $60 weekly, $240 monthly or $2880 annually. Whoa! Kinda makes Peanut Butter & Jelly seem like a viable & tasty alternative.
But fear not!
Brown bagging (or in this case a plastic target bag) does not have to be a soggy sandwich and dixie cup of water cooler piss...NO! Why not "take it up a notch"? Just a tad short of setting up my Foreman grill at my desk, I decided on Tacos. The bulk of the work was done the night before, that is the meat cooking and then stored into small left over plastic containers. Cheese, meat, gauacamole, taco sauce & shells along with a Rockstar Energy drink all assembled at my desk. It can get messy, so I put it all together over someones excel print-outs I took off the printer while returning from the microwave. Even with a desk full of small containers and and a napkin tucked into protect my shirt, some random co-woker stops by my desk to say "sorry for interrupting your lunch but...". I pretty much kept eating and pretending I could not speak while grunting at them letting food fall from my face onto what I think was their print-outs. That image is usually enough to send the message, "not while I'm eating...k? thx! bye."
In conclusion, I may have to do Tacos more often. The Taco Kit was only $2.69 at Target and a pound of ground turkey was about $2.99. Only thing I added was an diced onion and some additional Adobo. All together I had dinner & lunch for under $6.00. Plus I collected 3 "Box Top$ Education" labels worth .10¢ each for my sons school.
Tags: Brown-Bagging, broke = creative, Leave me alone and call the help desk.
